Squidward Tentacles from the show SpongeBob is a thief. He has been skimming from the cash register at the Krusty Krab for years. That is why he never quits, despite complaining about his position all day every day. The show gives clear indications that Squidward is an underwater white collar criminal. Lets take a look at the hints.
Squidward’s house is more more expensive than a cashier could possibly afford. It is made of carved stone, has nice furnishings and even has an indoor elevator. You may argue that Patrick Star and SpongeBob Squarepants also have their own homes. However, Patrick Star’s house is nothing more than a rock he lives under and all his so-called furnishings are really just sand piles.
SpongeBob does have a actual house, but he grew it himself from a pineapple seed. On the other hand, Squidward’s house is a giant stone replica of the ancient carvings on Easter Island. Squidward also has a an boat-car. It is very seldom shown, but he does have one.
Squidward also has all the key characteristics of a white collar criminal. Police have often noted that white collar criminals never think of themselves a thieves. They think of themselves as underpaid persecuted workers who are really just taking what the company should have been giving to them all along.
White collar criminals are often disgruntled employees and are very open about their hatred of the company and their boss. Squidward is all of that.
Squidward has the perfect opportunity to steal. Mr. Krabs never takes a turn behind the register and is usually locked away in his office. Although Krabs loves money, he does not seem to have any way to cross check the cash against the number of Krusty Burgers sold.
The Krusty Krab does accept any type of credit or debit card. This all-cash environment makes it easy for Squidward to skim.
No matter how bad things get, Squidward continues to show up every day without talking vacation or sick days. This is also a classic feature of white collar criminals. They never take time off, since that would risk someone cross-checking the books. If income went up dramatically whenever Squidward was on vacation, then Mr. Krabs would become suspicious of Squidward.
Squidward only has 6 legs whereas a real squid has 8. Could this be because two of Squidward’s legs were chopped off by prior employers that he stole from? That may seem rather convoluted, but remember that a lot of the SpongeBob show is really geared towards adults rather than children. This is the same cartoon that once showed the grave of Diver Dan. Only a Baby Boomer would get that reference.
As SpongeBob enters what is rumored to be its final season, take a new look at good old Squidward. And if you ever go to the Krusty Krab remember to count your change.