One the final day of his trial for murder, Derek Manning was feeling very confident. Against the advice of his lawyer, he was going to take the witness stand. He knew that he could charm the jury into forgetting all about the finger print evidence against him.
Derek was not at all afraid of the prosecutor. She was a small timid-looking woman named Elvira Evans. Who the hell would name a kid Elvira anyway? Elvira reminded Derek of an underfed little bird nervously scuttling around the courtroom. She has a squeaky voice and an annoying thick Bronx accent. The Jury would hate her and love Derek.
It never occurred to Derek that a tiny unattractive woman with an annoying speaking voice did not get to become a top prosecutor in New York City without being pretty damn good at her job. That’s why he was taken completely by surprise at the Prosecution’s first question.
“Mr. Manning. Are your testicles misshapen?”
“What the Fuck?” replied Derek before his lawyer even had a chance to object.
“Objection Your Honor!”, said the Defense attorney. “This obscenely personal line of questioning has nothing to do with the case at hand.”
“It is completely relevant,” stated Elvira calmly. ” We have heard previous testimony that steroids were being stolen from the hospital where the murder victim worked as a nurse. It is obviously to anyone looking at Mr. Manning that he is an Extreme Body Builder. We believe that the stolen steroids were for the use of Mr. Manning. One of the sides effects of extended steroid use is misshapen testicles. ”
Judge Hewett thought about this for a full minute before saying, “Objection Overruled. The witness will answer the question.”
“Mr. Manning. Would you like me to repeat the question?” asked Elvira.
“No lady, “answered Derek in an annoyed tone. “My balls are just fine.”
Elvira went to the Prosecution’s table and retrieved a thick document and handed it to Derek. “Mr. Manning this is the report of the physician who was assigned to examine you after your arrest. Please read the fifth paragraph on page seven. I have marked it with a highlighter.”
Derek rummaged through the report for a couple of minutes before he found the right spot. The in a subdued tone he read out loud, “The subject’s testicles are smaller than normal for his body size, and are not of normal shape. This condition is most frequently associated with the extended use of steroids by athletes; especially body-builders.”
Elvira took the report back from Derek and handed it to the Bailiff. “Your Honor we would like to make this as Prosecution exhibit J-73.”
Then Elvira turned back to Derek and continued the attack. “Mr. Manning. How do you explain that report.? Would you like to revise your testimony? Perjury is a crime Mr. Manning.”
This was not going at all the way Derek had planned. The Defense attorney, Mr. Cromwell was trying not to look worried, but was not succeeding.
“MY BALLS ARE JUST FINE! I DON ‘T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT SOME QUACK DOCTOR SAYS! ” shouted Derek. He shouted it so loudly that the police in the courtroom instinctively moved forward in case they had to restrain Derek.
But the Prosecution was just beginning, “Mr. Manning two minutes ago you appeared to be a calm, rational individual. Then you instantly became a very scary person. Is this an example of what is known as ‘roid rage’? Do you often have uncontrollable outbursts like this?”
Derek struggled to get himself under control. “I do not have roid-rage. Any man would be angry if he was accused of having small funny looking balls. Any man would react the way I did, at what you said.”
“Is that what happened? Did Kira make fun of your small testicles? Or was it the fact that she refused to continue stealing drugs for you? Is that why you snapped and killed her?”
“Objection!” called out the Defense Attorney. “Prosecution is simply speculating and making a summation.”
“Sustained.” answered the Judge. “The Jury will ignore the Prosecution’s last remark.”
But of course the Jury could not ignore it. They no longer regarded Derek as the handsome young man whose lover had tragically committed suicide. They suddenly saw him as a pumped up dangerous steroid freak who could at any time turn violent.
The Prosecution kept Derek on the stand for another three hours. Elvira systematically went through every piece of evidence all over again. By the time Derek left the witness stand he was shaking and sweating profusely.
The Defense Attorney, Mr. Cromwell gave a brilliant closing argument. He stated that there was no real physical evidence that Kira had actual been murdered. He tried to cast doubt on the finger print evidence on the computer keyboard.
Of course the closing arguments did not really matter any more. The Jury has seen Derek for the monster he really was. It took the Jury only 25 minutes to come back with a guilty verdict. Reporters on scene thought this might be a record for New York City.
As the police were leading Derek out of the courtroom, he made a lunge for the Prosecutor Elvira Evans. Derek was so strong it took four very large policemen to wrestle him to the ground.
However, what people remembered most was not Derek’s lunge, but Elvira’s reaction to the attack. She stood there totally unafraid and unflinching. She did not even take a step back.
The conclusion to the murder trial dominated the media for the next week. There must have been hundreds of stories on T.V. in the newspapers and on the internet about it. However, what everyone remembered the most was the banner headline in the New York Post which read:
“Elvira Grabs Killer by the Balls!”
Three years later Derek was in prison while his attorney periodically filed motions for appeal. The media had long since moved on from the story.
The big story in the news was the New York Mayoral election and the strong possibility of the election of the City’s first woman mayor. All the polls showed that Elvira Evans would win the election, largely due to the overwhelming support of women voters.
If you missed the beginning of the story, be sure to read: