How large is Bart Simpson’s penis? Unfortunately I know the answer to that question. That’s because in my den is an anatomically correct Bart Simpson doll. It comes from a ridiculously overpriced shop in London.
I was on vacation with my family in London and were were exploring all the usual spots. Suddenly, a torrential rainstorm started, and we ducked into a store simply to get out of the rain.
It turned out to be a very large shop with lots of winding aisles, and thousands of nick-knacks on the shelves. I was looking at pictures of Winston Churchill, and my kids went to explore the rest of the shop for something more interesting.
Then my kids returned with a Bart Simpson doll. It was about 3 feet tall, well made and soft like a pillow. It was sort of like a very large Raggedy Ann doll in the shape of Bart Simpson. It even had on a full set of clothing.
That’s when my son said, “Watch this Dad!” and pulled down the doll’s pants and then put the doll in my arms. My son and daughter both laughed and ran down the aisle to another part of the store.
I was not sure what was so funny, until I looked down at the doll in my arms and;
Cowabunga! There I was looking down at Bart’s penis and testicles. To say that the doll was anatomically correct is an understatement. In fact, it was more than anatomically correct. You see, the makers of the doll had made Bart Simpson’s private parts quite a bit larger proportionally than the rest of the doll.
I was still looking at Bart’s oversize d genitalia when I heard a woman with a very proper British accent say, “May I help you Sir?”
I looked up to see a matronly woman with grey hair examining at me like I was some American pervert who had wondered into her shop. It turns out that she was the owner of the store, and she had the type of face that looked like it had never smiled. I should have said something like, “Don’t look at me like that lady. You are the one selling obscene dolls.”
However, at the time I was so embarrassed, that what I actually said to the woman was “Yes. I would like to purchase this doll.” The doll cost me over 55 British Pounds (I told you the shop was overpriced). The woman was so happy to make the sale that she even gave me what she probably thought was a smile. However, on her face it was more like a twitch.
We left the shop, and my kids thought it was hilarious that I had bought the doll. There are sill times I wonder why the doll was there at all. Why would a shop filled with pictures of the Royal Family and miniature models of Parliament also have obscene toys? Was the old woman that owned the store really that sneaky? Had she set an elaborate trap to embarrass unsuspecting tourists into buying something? I realize that sort or thinking is just being paranoid. Or is it?