Monthly Archives: January 2019

Frozen Walt Disney, P&G Satan Worshipers &Pop Rocks Murder

Frozen Walt Disney, Proctor & Gamble Satan Worshipers and the Pop Rocks Murder of Mikey  are the the top 3 corporate rumors that never die. Here are the details.

Walt Disney’s Body is Frozen in stasis in a secret room in Epcot Center. He will be brought back to life once a cure for his lung cancer is found. The Disney family hates this rumor, but the more they deny it the more widespread it becomes. This rumor gets quite elaborate. Walt Disney wants to be brought back to life in the far future, when he will rule most of Florida as the benevolent head of a Utopian society.

Walt Disney wanted to create a perfect society.

Walt Disney wanted to create a perfect society.

This part of the rumor originated from the fact that Walt Disney did want Disney World and Epcot center to become more than just amusements parks. Disney wanted Disney World and Epcot Center to be just small parts of a wonderful planned community, with excellent schools and housing, good jobs and happy people. Walt Disney was a believer in the possibility of a Utopian society, but he did not want to be the dictator of it.

Is Walt Disney frozen under Epcot Center?

Is Walt Disney frozen under Epcot Center?

Proctor & Gamble is run by Satan worshipers. For 140 years, Proctor & Gamble’s corporate logo had been a Man in the Moon, looking at stars. No one paid any attention to this until 1980 when, for reasons unknown, people began to take a close look at the symbol. The P&L logo did, in fact, have a number of aspects that looked amazingly Satanic.

Is P&G's old Logo Satanic?

Is P&G’s old Logo Satanic?

The Man in the Moon appears to have a horn on the top of his head and at the bottom of his face. There are also what appears to be an inverted 666 hidden in the beard.  Certain Christian groups began boycotting P&G products. The rumors grew and grew and became even more specific. Rumors surfaced that the President of P&G had appeared on the Sally Jessy Raphael Show and Phil Donahue and openly stated on national television at he was a Satan worshiper. It made no difference to the rumor mill that any fact checker could quickly disprove this claim. Proctor & Gamble redesigned the Man on the Moon logo to make him look less Satanic, but it did no good.

P&G paid millions of dollars to design a new logo.

P&G paid millions of dollars to design a new logo.

Finally Proctor & Gamble paid millions of dollars to a design a new logo. The result is that the logo now is just a blue circle with “P&G” in the middle. (Millions of dollars? Amazing. Greenwich Village is full of artists, any one of which would have done the job for about $50.) An interesting side note is that in 1995 Amway had to pay P&G $19 million when it was discovered that Amway was spreading the Satanic worship rumors about P&G.

General Foods’ Pop Rocks candy killed Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials. “Mikey Likes It” was a hugely popular 1972 T.V. commercial for Life Cereal starring actor John Gilchrist as “Mikey” a boy who is hard to please. In 1979 rumors began that General Foods’ Pop Rocks had killed lovable little Mikey.

Did Pop Rocks kill Mikey from the Live Cereal commercials?

Did Pop Rocks kill Mikey from the Live Cereal commercials?

Pop Rocks is a sugary candy with carbonate bubbles trapped inside. When you eat it the candy dissolves and the candy “pops” in your mouth. The rumor began that Mikey had swallowed 5 bags of Pop Rocks then drank a Coke. The Pop Rocks exploded in Mikey’s stomach and killed him. Sales of Pop Rocks plummeted and stores took them off the shelves.  The General Foods senior management jumped into action to quell this rumor. They hired John Gilchrist and had a news conference showing he was still alive. It didn’t work.

Will Pop Rocks really explode in your stomach and kill you?

Will Pop Rocks really explode in your stomach and kill you?

The problem was that John Gilchrist was 7 years older than he had been in the Life Cereal commercial, and no one believed it was the same kid. The Mikey Murder rumors doubled. General Foods was now also accused of trying to cover up Mikey’s death by hiring someone pretending to be Mikey.

John Gilchrist (Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials) alive and healthy today.

John Gilchrist (Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials) alive and healthy today.

In the end, this rumor never was stopped and Pop Rocks were discontinued. General Foods had to throw out more than $35 Million of Pop Rocks inventory. However, you can still get Pop Rocks on the internet. Of course, what everybody does when they get Pop Rocks now is to swallow as many as they can and then drink a Coke. No one has died yet.

Trump allows Coast Guard to pay workers by selling seized drugs.

During the government shutdown, members of the Coast Guard will supplement their income by selling the illegal drugs they have confiscated. Members of the Coast Guard are not receiving paychecks since they are officially part of the Department of Homeland Security rather than the Military. However, the Coast Guard has, in its warehouses, millions of dollars of illegal drugs that it has seized from criminal cartels on the high seas.

The Coast Guard will sell seized illegal drugs to raise money.

The Coast Guard will sell seized illegal drugs to raise money.

President Donald Trump has signed an Executive Order allowing Coast Guard base commanders to sell these drugs to Americans on a “first come first serve” basis. High quality Cocaine, Marijuana, and Heroin will soon be available. Check the Coast Guard website for times and prices of the sale.  Coast Guard officers will then use the money from the drug sales to pay the regular salaries of the men and women of the Coast Guard so that they can, in turn, feed their families.

The annual turkey pardon will no longer happen. Good meat is not to be wasted.

The annual turkey pardon will no longer happen. Good meat is not to be wasted.

The Trump Administration has announced that it is considering continuing the practice even after the government shutdown has ended. Today President Trump Tweeted that,

 “Through my brilliance I have invented a way for the money-losing Coast Guard to finally become a profitable business! Money that used to go to Mexican Drug Cartels will now be used to feed Americans! No One Else But me would have thought of this!”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders stated that the next step is to allow the TSA to sell all the items it confiscates from travelers at airports. Ms. Sanders stated that,

“The money received from the sale of confiscated guns alone would probably be enough to pay for TSA workers’ salaries. After all, they are barely making above minimum wage anyway.”

You can move to the front of the line by tipping a TSA agent $20

You can move to the front of the line by tipping a TSA agent $20

The Trump Administration is also considering allowing TSA workers to accept tips from travelers. In this way, the government could legally pay the TSA employees less than minimum wage.

“It would also speed up the line for wealthier travelers“, said Jared Kushner in a phone interview. “Why should important people have to wait behind the riffraff in a security line? Slip the TSA worker a $20 bill and move to the front of the line. Tip $50 and skip security completely. “

These moves for the Coast Guard and the TSA are part of an overall strategy which Trump calls “Make America Pay Again.” The ultra-conservative wing of Republican Party wants every individual department of the Federal government to become a money making business. By 2020 the Republicans plan to roll out the following money making schemes:

  • No more free parking for Congresspeople, the Senators or White House Press. Parking Meters will be installed at the White House and on Capitol Hill.
  • There will be a $200 fee for every question a reporter asks at a Press Conference.
  • President Trump will give no more free interviews on television. A $250,000 up-front payment from a network will be required.
  • At the end of State Dinners at the White House, everyone will receive an itemized bill with a 25% gratuity included.
  • The Thanksgiving Turkey at the White House will no longer be pardoned. That’s good meat that shouldn’t be wasted.
National Zoo will be allowed to hunt and eat the other animals.

Wolves at Washington’s National Zoo will be allowed to hunt and eat the other animals.

  • All of the animal enclosures at the National Zoo will be combined and meals for the animals will be eliminated. Visitors will then get to see a true wildlife experience. The predator animals such as the wolves would hunt, kill and eat smaller weaker animals.
  • Old Faithful at Yellowstone will be tapped. The geothermal power would then be sold to businesses in the new Yellowstone Industrial Complex.
  • The Press seating in Air Force One will be eliminated and replaced by paid Passenger Seats open to the highest bidder.
  • The Food and Drug Administration will be eliminated entirely. People who want certification of food or drug safety should be willing to pay private companies to do this for them.
  • All government vehicles including Air Force Jets, Army Tanks and Navy Aircraft Carriers will have corporate advertising on them.
Trojan Condoms will soon be advertising on the Washington Monument

Trojan Condoms will soon be advertising on the Washington Monument

  • Corporate Logos will also be allowed on national monuments. Trojan Condoms has already put in a very high bid for the Washington Monument.
The Smithsonian Museum will be selling all its exhibits and converting the museum into condos

The Smithsonian Museum will be selling all its exhibits and converting the museum into condos.

  • The “World’s Biggest Garage Sale” will be held on the National Mall. This will get rid of all that old junk in the Smithsonian Museum and reap tidy profit.
  • The empty space in what used to be the Smithsonian Institute will be turned into Luxury apartments and condominiums.

The government is looking for input from the general public. If you have any ideas of your own on how to Make America Pay Again, please let us know.

Vice- A Funny Farce or a Disgusting Insult?

Vice is an amusing political farce, or a vicious attack on an American patriot. It all depends on your preexisting opinion of Dick Cheney. Christian Bale does an amazing job at capturing the voice, mannerisms and physical appearance of Dick Cheney. However, Vice is always meant to show a caricature of Dick Cheney rather than the real person.

Christian Bale transforms himself into Dick Cheney in "Vice"

Christian Bale transforms himself into Dick Cheney in “Vice”

The funniest part of Vice is the “alternate ending”. Dick Cheney does not become Vice President, but instead stays in the private sector, gets himself into fantastic physical condition and travels the world entering Iron Man competitions. Unfortunately, Vice often cannot decide if it wants to be a serious biography or a spoof. It does not work when a film swings back and forth between these two genres.

Steve Carell as Donald Rumsfeld in "Vice"

Steve Carell as Donald Rumsfeld in “Vice”

Steve Carell plays Donald Rumsfeld as a wisecracking, somewhat crude individual. However, Steve Carell never is able to accurately portray the absolute arrogance of Rumsfeld which ended up making enemies of both Republicans and Democrats. It is also odd that Vice did not use the most infamous of all Rumsfeld quotes. In 2002 Donald Rumsfeld was asked how long the Iraq War would last. With complete confidence, Rumsfeld replied,

“I can’t tell you if the use of force in Iraq today would last five days or five weeks or five months. But it certainly isn’t going to last any longer than that”.

Vice follows Dick Cheney’s rise from a drunken college dropout to the man who ended up being the most powerful Vice President in American history. However, we never learn how Cheney was able to accomplish this. There are large gaps in Vice. We see Dick Cheney as a low level nobody in the Nixon White House. The next time Vice shows Cheney, he has already been Secretary of Defense under President George H.W. Bush and head of Halliburton. In a film about Dick Cheney’s rise to power, why did Vice skip the time period in which Cheney actually rose to power?

Christian Bale & Sam Rockwell in "Vice"

Christian Bale & Sam Rockwell in “Vice”

Sam Rockwell plays President George W. Bush as a complete buffoon, who never notices that he has handed over all his power to Vice President Cheney. Many people have this opinion. An opposing view is that Cheney and Bush were in complete alignment on their political views and that Bush used Cheney to his maximum potential. In any case, President George W. Bush is almost a complete non-entity in Vice, and only appears in 3 scenes.

Alison Pill is Mary Cheney in "Vice".

Alison Pill is Mary Cheney in “Vice”.

The most interesting sub-plot in Vice is the battle over gay marriage between Dick Cheney’s daughters. Mary Cheney (played by Alison Pill) is a lesbian married to a woman. Liz Cheney (played by Lily Rabe) took a strong anti-gay marriage stance when running for the House of Representatives. Liz Cheney won her House seat, but lost the love and respect of her sister forever. We wish that this had been more fleshed out and had been made as a serious stand-alone film. Is Liz Cheney really morally against gay marriage, or did she just take this stand because it was what was required to win in Wyoming?

Lily Rabe is Liz Cheney in "Vice"

Lily Rabe is Liz Cheney in “Vice”

Amy Adams is excellent as Lynne Cheney the wife who demands early in the marriage that Dick turn his life around or she will be gone.

Vice is fun, but it would have been more interesting to see an actual balanced biography rather than a spoof. Perhaps it is still too early for this to happen. Dick Cheney remains such a polarizing figure that it may be decades before any type of neutral treatment is possible.

Thousands of intelligent, ambitious and ruthless people have come to Washington seeking power, but very few of them ever achieve it. Vice never really shows us how Dick Cheney was able to rise to the top while most of the power-seekers remain low level bureaucrats. Like so much in his life, the wizardry that brought Dick Cheney to the pinnacle of power remains a closely guarded secret.

You – A Stalker’s Love Story

Fans of Dexter will love the series YouCan a dangerous stalker really find true love in Soho New York? Penn Badgley is Joe Goldberg, a book store manager who experiences love at first sight when a beautiful young woman walks into his store.

Elizabeth Lail & Penn Badgley in "You"

Elizabeth Lail & Penn Badgley in “You”

Beck (Elizabeth Lail) is a struggling young writer who is the perfect woman for Joe. She shares his love of literature and old books, and has a wonderful sense of humor. Joe and Beck have a flirty conversation in the bookstore and she pays by credit card so that Joe will know her full name and address. Obviously she wants to see Joe again.

However, Joe has already moved past the mere dating stage. He has decided that Beck will be the love of his life and he wants to do everything he can to assure that will happen.  This is when we see that that there is a dark side to this unassuming book store geek.

YOU - Season 1, Episode 2 Penn Badgley and Lou Taylor Pucci star in Lifetime’s new series YOU, Sunday, September 16, 2018 at 10pm ET/PT. Photo by Courtesy of Lifetime Copyright 2018

YOU – Season 1, Episode 2
Penn Badgley and Lou Taylor Pucci star in Lifetime’s new series YOU, Sunday, September 16, 2018 at 10pm ET/PT.
Photo by Courtesy of Lifetime
Copyright 2018

Joe becomes a full scale physical and electronic stalker, and unfortunately Beck has been very lax at password protecting her information. Joe also decides to “improve” Beck’s life by saving her from her bad boyfriends and girlfriends.  It is unclear just how far Joe will go to implement his plans. Is he just a little weird, or is there actual violent potential?

The writing and acting in You is excellent. The same way that Dexter got us to cheer for a serial killer, You has us rooting for a Stalker.  We like Joe Goldberg, since his motivations and insights are real. Beck does have a narcissistic boyfriend who takes Beck for granted, and her girlfriends are no better.  Beck’s  “friends” are all rich girls who treat Beck like a poor step-sister. They consider her attempts to be a writer an unrealistic waste of time.

Beck is a nickname. Her real name is Guinevere, like King Arthur’s wife. This is very appropriate, since Joe sees himself as an ancient Knight, protecting the beautiful Guinevere from the dangers of the world.  However, the questions is now much is Joe really willing to do to protect Guinevere? Is he willing to kill for his true love?

Lou Taylor Pucci is Benji, who is Beck’s current boyfriend and the man Joe must get out of the way if he wants to win Beck’s heart. Benji is a total jerk. Great looking, rich and conceited, he only uses Beck for quick and meaningless “hook-ups”.  Lou Taylor Pucci is perfect at  playing the kind of guy that all other guys instantly hate.

Shay Mitchell as Peach Salinger in "You"

Shay Mitchell as Peach Salinger in “You”

Shay Mitchell is Beck’s friend Peach Salinger, who wants Beck around as long as Beck is unsuccessful and subservient. Peach is wealthy, incredibility beautiful and also connected to the New York publishing community. (Yes, she is related to J.D. Salinger, author of The Catcher In The Rye.) Despite this, Peach does nothing to help Beck. Peach likes Beck as a struggling writer; not a successful one.

Peach is the biggest threat to Joe’s happiness. Being a natural predator herself, Peach sees right through Joe’s nice guy routine. Peach senses there is a  danger to Joe that Beck is to naive to notice. Peach makes it her mission in life to beat Joe at his own game.

You was originally on the Lifetime Channel and now can be seen on Netflix. Take a look, and we think you will immediately be drawn in to the exciting world of You.

The Death of Stalin – a Funny Movie about an Evil Man

The Death of Stalin is a farce about the struggle for power in the Soviet Union after the death one of the most evil men that ever existed. It is hilarious, as long as you don’t concentrate too much on the fact that the events were real.

The Death of Stalin movie is not for everyone

The Death of Stalin movie is not for everyone

The year is 1953 and the people of the Soviet Union live under the constant threat that anyone at any time might suddenly be taken away by the Secret Police. Joseph Stalin has executed by the thousands his perceived enemies -real or imagined.

Olga Kuryenko in The Death if Stalin

Olga Kuryenko in The Death if Stalin

It does not sound like this could make a comedy film, but somehow, The Death of Stalin actually works. It shows in a comedic way the absurd lengths people will go to in order to avoid doing anything that may even slightly displease Stalin.

Andrea Riseborough & Steve Buscemi in "The Death of Stalin"

Simon Russell Beale, Andrea Riseborough & Steve Buscemi in “The Death of Stalin”

The Death of Stalin opens up with a beautiful classical music concert which is being broadcast on the radio. Stalin is in his dacha enjoying the broadcast. He calls the concert hall and tells them he liked the recital so much that he will be sending men over to the concert hall to pick up a copy of the recording.

Steve Buscemi & Jeffrey Tambor in The Death of Stalin

Steve Buscemi & Jeffrey Tambor in The Death of Stalin

The problem is that while the concert was being broadcast it was not actually being recorded.  Of course, no one dares tell Stalin that. The only solution is for the musicians to immediately perform the entire concert again from the beginning and record it. Half the audience had already left, and the conductor points out that the acoustics will be bad in a half-empty hall.  The concert hall manager is forced to literally drag workers off the street to fill the hall.

Jason Isaacs in The Death of Stalin

Jason Isaacs in The Death of Stalin

Steve Buscemi is Nikita Khrushchev, who has worked out a system to make sure he always pleases  Stalin. In The Death of Stalin, Khrushchev comes home after a night of heavy drinking with Stalin. Before Khrushchev goes to sleep, he writes down exactly which jokes and subjects Stalin did or did not like that night. Khrushchev  would review these notes before his next visit with Stalin as if he was studying for an exam. In real  life, Khrushchev actually did this, which only shows that even the highest level people in the Soviet Union depended completely on keeping Stalin happy.

Khrushchev wanted to make sweeping changes to the Soviet Union, like releasing thousands of prisoners from the gulags, and removing restrictions on writers. However, if Stalin ever found out about these plans, then Khrushchev himself would have been sent to a gulag.

When Stalin suddenly dies, you would think it would be a time for celebration. Instead there is open panic. Beriya (Simon Russell Beale), the head of the Secret Police, plans to replace Stalin and begins arresting and executing  anyone who gets in his way.

Caught in the middle of all this is the beautiful concert pianist Maria (Olga Kurylenko). She wants to make a stand and  writes a letter directly criticizing Stalin. Khrushchev feels protective of Maria, since at one time she had given piano lessons to Khrushchev’s niece. Khrushchev must go to extreme lengths to keep the naive, idealistic Maria from being executed.

Throughout The Death of Stalin, all of the actors use their real accents. You are always aware of who they really are, which is part of the point. They are are doing an absurd spoof of a period in time which is almost too terrible to be shown literally.

The real Field Marshal Zhukov

The real Field Marshal Zhukov

One of our favorite actors in The Death of Stalin is Jason Isaacs who plays Field Marshal Zhukov, head of the Soviet Army. Zhukov is the one man who is not afraid of Stalin. The real Zhukov was one of the toughest men that ever walked the Earth, and the one man Stalin was afraid to have arrested. Stalin considered Zhukov a rival, but Zhukov was so popular with the rank and file for the Soviet Army that Stalin never dared touch him.

Khrushchev and Zhukov have a mutual hatred of Beriya, and plan to eliminate that monster. Beriya may control the State Security Forces, but Zhukov has the entire Soviet Army.

Jeffrey Tambor is Malenkov. Theoretically he is second in command after Stalin. However he is a weak individual easily manipulated by the stronger men around him.

1936 file photo shows Joseph Stalin holding his daughter Svetlana Alliluyeva Stalin. Svetlana defected in 1967 and settled in the U.S., dealing the Kremlin a very public and bitter humiliation. (AP Photo/File)

1936 file photo shows Joseph Stalin holding his daughter Svetlana Alliluyeva Stalin. Svetlana defected in 1967 and settled in the U.S., dealing the Kremlin a very public and bitter humiliation. (AP Photo/File)

Andrea Riseborough is Stalin’a daughter Svetlana. It takes her a while to understand how much danger she is in once he father dies. No one looking to take the top leadership wants anyone with the name Stalin around anymore.

By the end of The Death of Stalin you will be laughing, while at the same time thinking, “I really shouldn’t be laughing at this.”