Monthly Archives: July 2017

Naked Persephone’s Escape From Hades -The Real Cause of Global Warming

Persephone slipped naked from the bed of the sleeping Hades, and ran at full speed past the thousands of shifting, silent Shades of the dead. Heat radiated off her naked sweat-drenched body as she ran. Persephone no longer noticed noticed the heat of the Underworld. It was just one of the many tortures she had to endure six months of the year, like the nightly rape by her so-called “husband” Hades, or the stench of the dead.

Shades of The Underworld

Shades of The Underworld

Persephone knew that the world above was gripped in the cold of Winter. For the six months of each year that Persephone was trapped in  the Underworld, Persephone’s Goddess mother Demeter would weep cold tears and refuse to let the plants bloom. Zeus had decreed that Persephone could spend half the year in the land of the living, but must spend the remainder of the each year trapped in the world of the dead.

Every night, while Hades slept, Persephone ran naked down this same dark cave, past the bubbling pools of scalding water, past the piles of skulls down past the murmuring crowds of demons and monsters.  Over two thousand years ago, Persephone had started her tunnel to the surface. She used human skulls to dig with, and human bones to to shore up the tunnel. Inch by inch foot by foot she dug toward the surface.

Hades on his throne

Hades on his throne

When she first came to the land of the dead,  Persephone thought that a hero might defy Zeus and come to rescue her. Many men had tried and perished. The true hero Heracles had almost succeeded. With Persephone’s help Heracles had captured the three-headed monster god Cerberus, but even Heracles did not have the strength to carry Persephone from the grip of Hades.

Persephone's naked escape from The Underworld

Persephone’s naked escape from The Underworld

In the Underworld there was no way to tell night from day, but over the centuries, Persephone had learned to keep track of time in her head. She had memorized just how long Hades slept each night, and about an hour before he awoke, Persephone would stop her digging and climb back down the tunnel and begin her run back to the bed of the god she hated. Hades, god of the dead, Persephone’s jailer and uncle.

Demons of Hades

Demons of Hades

When Persephone came to the pools of boiling water she would dive in and wash the dirt from her body and hair. The scalding water would have torn the flesh off of a mortal woman, but she was, after all, a goddess. Gods and goddesses live forever, but despite what the humans think, they do feel pain. Each night Persephone endured the agony of a rape by Hades, the choking dirt of the tunnel in her mouth and eyes, and the pain of a bath in boiling hot water. But bathe she must, to wash the dirt from her hair and body, so that Hades would not suspect she was tunneling to escape.



Persephone arose naked from the steaming bath, with only the silent Shades of the dead to witness her incredible beauty. She had not always been naked in the Underworld. At first, Hades had brought her beautiful dresses and jewels. He had expected her to be a real wife, despite the fact that he had captured her and dragged her into the Underworld against her will. But when it became clear that Persephone would never give herself to Hades willingly, he ripped off her clothing and burned it in a pile. Then he took her by force night after night six months of every year for more than a two thousand years. Persephone was a goddess, but she was no match for the strength of a god.

Goddesses protected Persephone from all harm

Goddesses protected Persephone from all harm after her escape

Persephone stood naked as the hot draft from the fires of the Underworld dried her. Then she slowly walked back and silently slipped into the bed of the god of the dead before he awoke. Only a few minuted later, Hades awoke with a grunt and pulled his massive bulk from the bed. Persephone knew she had cut it too close this time.

She shook with fear that he had discovered her secret, but the god of the dead arose and walked off without so much as looking at her. Off to consort with his dogs and monsters and whatever else occupied his waking hours. Persephone had long since taken any interest in her husband’s actions. Her goal all day every day was to stay out of the god’s way, and hope that her tunnel was not discovered. She often slept during the day, since her nights were occupied with digging.

Persephone knew she was very close to escaping. The ground she tunneled through had changed from rock to clay and finally to dirt. Real dirt, with deep roots of massive trees. Soon she would be free. Persephone lay back down in the  bed and slept, dreaming of her freedom.

Her dream was shattered when Hades picked her up from the bed and threw her down onto the rock floor, screaming that she was lazy to spend all her time sleeping when she should be serving him. It was time to eat and for some unknown reason, Hades always insisted that as his “goddess of the dead” she should have a formal meal with him each day, as their status of King and Queen of the Underworld demanded. Persephone hated meals, remembering that it was the fact that she had eaten one pomegranate seed which had trapped her in The Underworld centuries ago.

Persephone  ate a few pieces of bread and drank some mild wine while Hades consumed massive amounts of roasted meat and guzzled glass after glass of wine. Weird monsters scurried at his feet to eat the pieces of food that fell out of his mouth.

With his appetite sated , Hades let out a loud belch and slumped in his chair for a drunken nap. At that moment Persephone decided that now was the time for her escape. She could not wait wait a second longer. She could not stand another night of this stinking beast on top of her and inside her. She must make her escape now.

Ares God of War

Ares God of War, who defied Zeus’ order to find Persephone

Persephone quietly slipped out of her chair and slowly began walking in the direction of her secret tunnel. She gradually began to increase speed, and as soon as the dining table was out of sight, she began to run at full speed. Persephone made one stop before getting to the tunnel entrance. She reached her hand into a hole between a pile of rocks and took out two objects. The first was her only dress that she had been able to hide from Hades.  The second was a small bundle of precious gems. At least in the bright world above the gems were precious. In the stinking Underworld, diamonds and rubies were common, and of no value to the Shades of the dead.

She then reached into the hole again and took out a small sack of rough cloth, into which she placed the gems and dress. Persephone was going to climb naked, and carry the sack, knowing that if she wore her one dress during the climb  it would get ruined.

The she took off running at full speed again and finally Persephone came to the hidden entrance of the tunnel. She knocked aside the pile of human skulls and bones to reveal her path to freedom.  Carrying her cloth sack and a human thigh bone, Persephone began her climb to freedom.

For hour after hour she climbed upward, all the time afraid she might hear the roar of Hades looking for her. Then when she felt she could climb no more, she reached the top of the tunnel. There was moist dirt and tree roots and she knew the surface could not be far away. She took the human thigh bone and began to dig upward. As she jabbed the thigh bone into the dirt, clumps of dirt flew past her face and fell down the tunnel shaft into the darkness below.

Persephone's escape by Demeter

A Nymph guards Persephone while she sleeps

Then it happened. She jabbed the thigh bone and suddenly it broke through the dirt. Cold fresh air washed over her. She reached up and pulled herself out. Persephone was Free! She crawled away from the hole and onto the snow. Persephone then stood up and with handfuls of snow washed the dirt off her naked body and cleansed her hair. Her body was so hot that the snow turned to steam as cleaned herself.

Then Persephone opened the bag and put on her dress. She took the jewels out of the sack and carefully wove them into her hair. She vowed that she would never be a prisoner again. She was a goddess, and would demand to always be treated as one. Persephone turned North then walked off into the snow.

Persephone longed to journey to Greece to be with her mother Demeter, but Persephone knew that would not be possible.  Soon Hades would discover her escape, and try to drag her back. Greece would be the first place Hades looked. And so, Persephone went further and further North, knowing that Hades hated the cold.

Persephone’s body was still scorching hot within and without. The fires of The Underworld and her own hatred for Hades made her flesh glowing hot, and as she walked though the forest, snow melted and trees caught fire. The heat from her body caused the jewels in her hair to glow so brightly that the cold night sky shimmered.

Humans had long ago stopped worshiping the gods, and no longer even believed they existed. People arrogantly assumed that their own meager actions were causing the world to get warmer, the ice to melt and the sea levels to rise.

Zeus on his throne

Zeus on his throne

When Hades discovered Persephone’s escape, he immediately went to his brother Zeus to demand Zeus set things right. Zeus sent out an order to all the gods and goddesses that they were to find Persephone and capture her. The gods and goddesses ignored Zeus, and in fact, even helped Persephone to hide. None of the gods really liked Hades, and the goddesses actually hated him for having imprisoned one of their own.

And so, the world of the humans got warmer and warmer and the humans never even guessed at the real reason. Year after year the naked escape of Persephone altered the life of humans. Winters ceased to exist. Demeter was thrilled to hear the news of her daughter’s escape. Demeter no longer mourned half the year, and so Winters ended.  Hades himself came out of the Underworld and  wandered the Earth, searching for his escaped bride. His red-hot form scorched the Earth wherever he went, bringing  drought, fires and sandstorms.

Zeus himself periodically erupted in anger that the gods and goddess were defying his order.  In his rage he would cause great storms and lightning. Then he would calm down when he remembered that, after all, Persephone was his daughter. To himself Zeus secretly admitted that he was actually proud of Persephone’s courage and strength. Still, that was no excuse for the gods to ignore his orders, and his angry storms continued.

Hades never recaptured Persephone and burns the ground to this day as he searches for her.  Winters never returned and the world continues to get warmer. The fact that the world of humans and the humans themselves are being harmed is of no great concern to the gods and goddesses.  Perhaps in another two thousand years the earth will start to get colder again. Perhaps Hades will stop searching for his escaped wife, Persephone’s anger will cool and Demeter’s joy will diminish.  Perhaps Zeus will learn to control his anger and massive storms will end. But probably not. Gods and goddesses are not known for having a philosophy of forgive and forget. Only humans are foolish enough to have such weaknesses.

Becoming Carey Grant – the sad secrets of a movie star

Becoming Carey Grant documents the sad life that the movie star kept hidden from the public. It is based on Carey Grant’s own never-published autobiography, and the beautiful home movies he filmed. The world knows him as Carey Grant, but he never really got over being Archibald Leach, the poor cockney boy he once was.

Carey Grant and Audrey Hepburn

Carey Grant and Audrey Hepburn

Archibald Leach was born in 1904 in Bristol England. His parents were poor but extraordinarily beautiful. His mother was petite with long dark hair, and his father was rakishly handsome, sporting a fancy mustache.  However, his parents never seemed to be very happy. When Archie was 11, his mother Elsie went away, supposedly to “visit friends” It was many weeks before Archie figured out that she was never coming back. Soon after that Archie was shipped off to an even poorer section of the city to live with an aunt. Archie’s father moved away, remarried and started a new family.

Carey Grant's mother - Elsie Leach

Carey Grant’s mother – Elsie Leach

It was not until 20 years later, when Archibald Leach had become the famous movie star Carey Grant, that he discovered the truth. His mother had not run away, but had been committed to an insane asylum. Extraordinarily, she was committed only on the word of the husband Elias. He said that she sometimes felt she heard voices, but that she was not a danger to herself or others. The state of mental health medicine was so backward in those days , that instead of trying to treat her with psychotherapy, the “solution” was to   commit her for life.

Carey Grant's father- Elias James Leach

Carey Grant’s father- Elias James Leach

Abandoned by his family, Archibald Leach joined a new “family” by becoming part of a group of performing acrobats touring the vaudeville circuit. That’s why Carey Grant was able to do many of his own stunts in movies. He really was a trained acrobat.

The acrobats got a chance to perform in New York, and Archibald Leach fell in love with America. When it came time for them to return to England, Archibald decided to stay in America. All alone, and with very little money, he headed off to Hollywood, to try to get into the movies.

Carey Grant taking home movies

Carey Grant taking home movies

He was not in the film business very long before the studios decided that Archibald Leach is a terrible name for an actor; and the name “Carey Grant” was decided upon. Carey Grant’s amazing good looks soon got him into many films. In his early films, his parts were mainly just as a handsome prop, but soon his acting talent became apparent and he developed into the movie star we all know and love.

Becoming Carey Grant shows us the side of the movie star few people knew. After being abandoned by his parents, he had difficulty truly trusting anyone. Relationships with women were particularly difficult. Carey Grant was divorced three times. In later life he admitted that his wives were all wonderful women, but that he was always afraid to let them get too close. He naturally assumed that everyone would eventually let you down.

Carey Grant was an established movie star when he discovered that his mother was still alive and in a mental institution. He immediately got he out and set her up in a house in England. He visited his mother throughout his life, but she never moved to America. He always said it was because she would not come. However, the filmmakers speculate that he wanted to keep his two lives completely separate. By then, his mother was the last person in the world who still called him Archie. In America he was the great movie star Carey Grant. In England with his mother, he was still a scared little boy.

Becoming Carey Grant is a fascinating documentary. The details it has of Carey Grant’s life are astounding. For example, Carey Grant was a fan of “LSD therapy” being offered by a psychiatrist in the 1970’s. Unlike most patients who tried this radical treatment, Grant actually found it cathartic.

In the end Carey Grant found fame and fortune, but never true peace of mind. He was never the relaxed self-assured gentleman he played so well on screen. One of Carey Grant’s often repeated sayings was “Everyone wants to be Carey Grant. Even me.” People always laughed whenever Carey Grant said that, but he did not mean it as a joke. He was trying to tell the world that he was not really the perfect man he portrayed. However, people could not accept that. The public wanted Carey Grant to be perfect, and so to please them he was.

Baby Driver- fast, fantastic, LOUD and perfect. A rock concert on wheels.

Baby Driver is fast, fantastic, LOUD, and perfect! A rock concert on wheels, combined with an action movie, love story and bank heist film. Director Edgar Wright did an amazing job of blending the music and action so that the songs are basically an essential character in the film. Baby Driver is a unique concept, and we give it our highest rating of Five Stars.

Ansel Elgort, Jamie Fox, Eiza Gonzalez & Jon Hamm in Baby Driver

Ansel Elgort, Jamie Fox, Eiza Gonzalez & Jon Hamm in Baby Driver

Ansel Elgort stars as Baby, a driver who can outrun any police chase, all while listening to blasting rock music. His beautiful girlfriend is played by Lily James, who we last saw in Pride Prejudice and Zombies. This sweet and innocent couple, is trapped in a world of killers and maniacs controlled by criminal mastermind “Doc” played perfectly by Kevin Spacey.

Lily James & Ansel Elgort in Baby Driver

Lily James & Ansel Elgort in Baby Driver

Now we know that this plot sounds like hundreds of others, but what makes Baby Driver unique is the way in which Edgar Wright has put it all together with group of talented actors in all the parts. Unlike a lot of action movies, each of the characters has a unique personality and background story that makes them fascinating to watch.

Eiza Gonzalez & Jon Hamm in Baby Driver

Eiza Gonzalez & Jon Hamm in Baby Driver

Doc controls a group of criminals that pulls off  a string of supposedly impossible robberies. The key to their success is Baby, who is the “wheel man” on all the heists. Baby is caught up in this dangerous game, since he has a debt to pay back to Doc. The key to Baby’s driving success is the way he perfectly times  his driving with the songs blasting in his ears. In fact, Baby is actually helpless without his music. However, when the music is blasting, Baby is like a machine, feeling no pressure or doubt.

Kevin Spacey & Edgar Wright on the set of Baby Driver

Kevin Spacey & Edgar Wright on the set of Baby Driver

Jamie Fox is “Bats”, whose violent tendencies put the whole crew at risk. Rounding out the crew is an ex-Wall Street executive, (“Buddy” played by Jon Hamm) and his lap dancer girlfriend (“Darling”, played by Eiza Gonzalez).

Ansel Elgort is "Baby" in Baby Driver

Ansel Elgort is “Baby” in Baby Driver

The action scenes have to be seen to be appreciated. There is no real way to describe them in print. In one scene Baby is running away fro the police, while the 1971 song Hocus Pocus by the Dutch band Focus is blasting. Baby Boomers will remember this as the “yodeling” rock song. If you are too young to remember this song, check it out – you will love it.

Anyway, during the chase scene, every step, every jump and every gunshot times perfectly with the beat of the music. It must have days for Edgar Wright to film this one scene. That attention to detail is what makes Baby Driver great.

The New Rules Of Work – an essential book for your career

The New Rules Of Work by Alexandra Cavoulacos and Kathryn Minshew is an essential must-read if you are serious about your career. Whether you are looking for your first job, or are well along in your career The New Rules Of Work has detailed practical steps to help you succeed.

The New Rules Of Work  “begins at the beginning” with techniques for deciding  what you really want. This may sound silly, but it is amazing how many people charge full speed into a job search without once pausing to examine what kind of career they want or what type of company they want to work for. As a consequence, people often  end up unhappy at work because they simply took the first job offered to them, or made a selection based on salary alone.

The New Rules Of Work

The New Rules Of Work

Alexandra Cavoulacos and Kathryn Minshew are the co-founders of which is devoted to helping people succeed at fulfilling careers. The New Rules Of Work, uses many of The Muse techniques, such as a “Muse grid” to map our your values and align them with an industry and company that is right for you. This is not as “touchy-feely” as it may sound. If you have been in a career for a while you may be tempted to skip this step. However, Alexandra and Kathryn point out that people’s opinions and goals change throughout life, and that their careers should change accordingly.

Alaxandra Cavoulacos & Kathryn Minshew, authors of The New Rules Of Work

Alaxandra Cavoulacos & Kathryn Minshew, authors of The New Rules Of Work

You should not let yourself get locked into a set path based simply on what major you happened to chose when you were 18 years old.  You have grown and developed tremendously since your school days, and you should update your career objectives to reflect who you are now.

The New Rules Of Work has very detailed and practical advice including how to best write a resume and how to get that resume actually looked at by people who do the hiring. Ironically, many of the very tools that were originally designed to help people find jobs are now keeping you from being noticed by hiring managers.

Human Resource directors receive thousands of resumes in response to any job they post on Monster, ZipRecruiter, Carigslist or any other electronic job boards. It is so easy for applicants to submit a resume, that many people simply “point & click”, thereby applying to hundreds of jobs a week, whether they are qualified for the job or not. These people are the “traffic” that gets in your way and keeps Human Resources from even seeing your application. You may be the absolute best individual for a particular position, and still never even get your application viewed.

The New Rules Of Work details techniques for going around the crowds at the massive job boards, and getting directly to the people who do the hiring at companies. The key is to be very selective and to pinpoint particular companies and people to connect with.

The New Rules Of Work is useful even if you already have a good position. Not so long ago, companies took the time to train employees and guide their career paths. Those days are gone. You are responsible for managing your career, and if you don’t you will find yourself falling behind.

The New Rules Of Work even has helpful hints for everyday tasks such as managing emails and dealing with passive-aggressive coworkers. We highly recommend The New Rules Of Work. It is well written and researched and is an invaluable tool for all those serious about their careers. (For full disclosure, we would like  to point out that we received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.)

However, there were a few issues that The New Rules Of Work overlooked. The special needs population was completely ignored. For example, people with Asperger’s Syndrome have a particularly hard time getting through the critical interview phase of the hiring process. In addition, older workers face automated age discrimination on many job sites. It would have been nice if the authors had covered these types of topics.

Still, despite come drawbacks, The New Rules Of Work is an excellent work. In the crowded field of business books, it really stands out.

The Beguiled- Civil War sex but no slaves

The Beguiled is a film of sex and betrayal set in an exclusive girls’ school in  the Civil War South. However, the film has been “whitewashed” to remove slavery from the plot. It is a huge  disappointment that Sophia Coppola completely  left out the character  of a female slave that was in the classic 1971 film.  By doing this, the modern version sidesteps the issue of slavery.

Mae Mercer & Clint Eastwood in The Beguiled in 1971

Mae Mercer & Clint Eastwood in The Beguiled in 1971

In the 1971 The Beguiled, Mae Mercer played the slave Hallie. Some African-Americans thought that Hallie was a token black character with a weak story line.  Instead of dropping that character completely Sophia Coppola should have expanded it. The dynamic, complex and intertwined relationships between educated White women and the female slaves they lived with is one of the most fascinating parts of American history.   In a story about  strong young women of the South under severe pressure, why leave out one of the strongest and most interesting simply because she is Black?

Sophia Coppola a great director but scared to tackle the issue of slavery

Sophia Coppola a great director but too scared to tackle the issue of slavery

Sophia Coppola has said that she did  “not want t brush over such an important topic in a light way,”  She expanded that to say,  “Young girls watch my films and this was not the depiction of an African-American character I would want to show them.” Of course, there is no reason why Sophia Coppola would have to handle slavery in a “light way.” She is the director and could handle it openly and honestly as the subject deserves.

Elle Fanning & Nicole Fanning in The Beguiled

Elle Fanning & Nicole Fanning in The Beguiled

We at East Coast Stories believe it was a huge mistake to leave slaves out of The Beguiled. The “young girls” that Sophia Coppola considers her audience are a lot smarter about race issues in The United States than she gives them credit for. How can we possibly deal with the racial issues of today, if we ignore that slaves were an integral part of America from the beginning?

Colin Farrell as John McBurney in The Beguiled. A face no woman could resist

Colin Farrell as John McBurney in The Beguiled. A face no woman could resist

The basic plot of The Beguiled is that the schoolgirls  find and take in John McBurney (Colin Farrell), a wounded Union soldier. It is their duty as Southerners to turn him over to the local Confederate patrols. However, McBurney is able to use his good looks and smooth talk to win over the young women one by one.

CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 24: (L-R) Actors Elle Fanning, Nicole Kidman, Colin Farrell and Kirsten Dunst attend "The Beguiled" photocall during the 70th annual Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festivals on May 24, 2017 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

CANNES, FRANCE – MAY 24: (L-R) Actors Elle Fanning, Nicole Kidman, Colin Farrell and Kirsten Dunst attend “The Beguiled” photocall during the 70th annual Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festivals on May 24, 2017 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

Beguiled can mean hypnotized, seduced or bewitched. All three meanings apply in this film. The Beguiled is a remake of the classic 1971 film of the same name in which Clint Eastwood played the wounded Union Soldier.

Martha Farnsworth (Nicole Kidman) is the headmistress of the dying school. The slaves have all run away and most students and teachers have gone home to escape the war. Miss Farnsworth continues to hold classes and music lessons, despite the fact that smoke from battles can be seen in the distance. Prayer is often accompanied by the sound of cannons.

The one teacher left is Edwina Dabney (Kirsten Dunst). It is clear that her background is somehow different than that of the other women. She is used to fancier settings and more revealing clothing. We are never sure if this is because she comes from wealth, or if her background is something more scandalous.

Elle Fanning is Amy, a beautiful young woman with a rebellious streak, who is continually testing how much she can get away with.

This structured, stark world is thrown into chaos by the arrival of McBurney. For McBurney it is if he has arrived in heaven. He has escaped the war and is surrounded by women; each more beautiful than the next. If he had carefully chosen one woman to quietly and cautiously pursue, then heaven it might have remained. However, like a kid in a candy store, McBurney wants it all and ends up finding himself in Hell.

The 1971 version of The Beguiled with Clint Eastwood

The 1971 version of The Beguiled with Clint Eastwood

McBurney works his charm on Miss Danbey, Miss Farnsworth and Amy, instinctively knowing the separate needs of each. Amy wants excitement, Martha Farnsworth needs appreciation and educated courting and Edwina Dabney wants a knight in shining armor to save her. Despite his good looks and charming smile, McBurney is really a callous hunter of vulnerable women. A classic sexual predator.

The phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, is a fitting expression for what happens when the women discover the truth about McBurney and each other. We will not give away the plot other than to say it is exciting, unexpected and chilling.

The casting of the (all white) characters for  in The Beguiled is perfect. Every actor gives a powerful performance. Nicole Kidman is spellbinding. Miss Farnsworth is trying to maintain an icy exterior, yet it is clear that deep passions burn withing her soul. She is tormented between the choices of what is best for her and what is best for the school and the girls she has a duty to protect.

Colin Farrell as Corporal John McBurney has the looks the charm and the arrogance to seduce three women simultaneously while only really loving himself.

Kirsten Dunst is wonderful as the beautiful and mysterious  Edwina Dabney. Director Sophia Coppola made the right choice in never fully revealing Edwina’s background. The mystery only adds to the tension. The 1971 version of  The Beguiled explained Edwina’s background, but it is more effective as a secret.

When Elle Fanning plays Alicia, audiences can see that she has graduated from little girl roles forever. She was superb as the dangerous young seductress, who may or may not truly understand her influence on a man or  the  damage she can do with the games she is playing.

Ooon Lawrence is excellent in The Beguiled

Ooon Lawrence is excellent in The Beguiled

Young Oona Lawrence is Amy, the innocent  child who first discovers wounded Corporal McBurney in the woods. Unlike the adults in the film, Amy wants nothing for herself. Amy’s only motivation is to do what is kind and right.

In total, the The Beguiled was a very good film. If Sophia Coppola had taken the time to bring in complex African-American characters, it could have been a great film. It would have been harder to write and added a level of complexity to the plot, but it would have been worth the effort.

How To Archer a crazy guide by the world’s “greatest” secret agent

Secret agent Sterling Archer barges into other countries knowing nothing about their culture or language. He then proceeds to waste huge amounts of money and kill lots of people. In the end, Archer leaves the country in complete chaos and declares his mission a success. Basically, secret agent Sterling Archer approaches his foreign assignments the same way The United States approaches its own foreign policy

How To Archer is authored by none other than Sterling Archer himself- the world’s “greatest” secret agent.  If you have never heard of Sterling Archer, then obviously you have never watched the animated series Archer on FX. Don’t let the “animated” part fool you. Archer is not for kids. Archer is a combination of James Bond, Austen Powers, and pure insanity, with raunchy humor and plots that are simply bizarre.

Sterling Archer the world's greatest secret agent

Sterling Archer the world’s greatest secret agent

How To Archer, is Sterling Archer’s guide to espionage and life. If you are a fan of the show Archer, you will find this a hilarious little book. If you do not know the show and  read the book you will say, “what’s wrong with this guy?”

Archer & Lana

Archer & Lana

We have to admit a guilty pleasure. We are fans of Archer, and have watched every episode. Archer takes the self-centered, misogynistic attitude of James Bond and multiplies it by a thousand. It is hard to believe that this show is on regular T.V. no matter how late at night it airs.

H. Jon Benjamin is Sterling Archer the world's greatest secret agent

H. Jon Benjamin is Sterling Archer the world’s greatest secret agent

The cast of Archer is terrific. Voice actors often do not get the same recognition as those we actually see, but Archer has some of the best. They bring the animated characters to life.

Aisha Tyler is Lana Kane the world's sexiest secret agent

Aisha Tyler is Lana Kane the world’s sexiest secret agent

H. Jon Benjamin is Sterling Archer, a grown man who still has the mindset of a preppie Lacrosse jock. The love of his life is Lana Kane (voiced by Aisha Tyler) Lana is a much better agent that Archer, but basically even more  insane than Archer.

 Unlike James Bond, Sterling Archer has a very “ugly American’s” view of the world. This comes across in How To Archer, when he describes other countries:

“Cote D’Ivorie – I don’t care what it wants to be called. I’m still calling it The Ivory Coast. Cote D’Ivorie sounds like some type of cheese.”

Canada  – I like Quebec because it’s just like being in France, only everyone drives pickup trucks.”

Despite knowing nothing about foreign countries, Archer has an eclectic knowledge of completely useless facts. Like the fact that an Indian Elephant’s ear is shaped like India, while an African Elephant’s ear is shaped like Africa.  Perhaps the strangest fact concerns the roulette wheel. The numbers on a roulette wheel are 00 through 36. If you add them all together you get the Satanic number 666.

Woodhouse on Archer. George Coe recently passed away at the age of 88

George Coe who played Woodhouse on Archer. George Coe recently passed away at the age of 88

No discussion of Archer would be complete without mentioning George Coe, who played Woodhouse the long suffering Valet of Sterling Archer. George Coe recently passed away at the age of 88. Instead of just replacing him with another voice actor, the writers had Woodhouse pass away on the show as well, with a moving tribute.

Sterling Archer with tiger friend

Sterling Archer with tiger friend

So, if you have never watched Archer on FX, and are a fan of spy spoofs, give it a try. Just be aware that this is a very R rated show. If you are already a fan of Archer, then you will love the book How To Archer.

How To Archer

How To Archer

PS: We have no idea who is the actual author of How To Archer. After all, Sterling Archer is an fictional animated character, so someone else had to do the actual writing. It is only fitting that we do not know who. After all, Archer is a secret agent.