Daily Archives: May 9, 2015

What’s New with Alicia von Rittberg

Alicia von Rittberg continues to be the most searched item on our website. Fans have been very disappointed that that they have not seen her in anything since Fury. Many fans were very angry that we publicized. an April Fools story that Alicia Von Rittberg was going to be in Game of Thrones. However Alicia von Rittberg will be on the big screen again in 2015. She will have a major role in Our Kind of Traitor.

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By all accounts, Our Kind of Traitor will be a fantastic film. It has an all star cast and is based on the exciting novel by John le Carre.  Alicia von Rittberg will play the daughter of a Russian organized crime boss.

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In the meantime, here are some new pictures of Alicia von Rittnerg.

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Sometimes we wonder if her agent understands just how large a fan base Alicia von Rittberg has in the United States.

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Any story we do on Alicia von Rittberg immediately attracts huge attention. If she were an American, she would undoubtedly be a top star commanding  a huge salary.  Perhaps the strategy is to keep her out of the spotlight to build a little mystery.  On behalf of all her fans, we just want to say “Stop doing that!”  People want to see Alicia in more movies, in larger parts and doing more public appearances.

In the meantime, East Coast Stories will continue to follow this amazingly talented young actress.

Bart Simpson’s Penis

How large is Bart Simpson’s penis? Unfortunately I know the answer to that question.  That’s because in my den is an anatomically correct Bart Simpson doll.  It comes from a ridiculously overpriced shop in London.

I was on vacation with my family in London and were were exploring all the usual spots. Suddenly, a torrential rainstorm started, and we ducked into a store simply to get out of the rain.

It turned out to be a very large shop with lots of winding aisles, and thousands of nick-knacks on the shelves. I was looking at pictures of Winston Churchill,  and my kids went to explore the rest of the shop for something more interesting.

Then my kids returned with a Bart Simpson doll. It was about 3 feet tall, well made and soft like a pillow. It was sort of like a very large  Raggedy Ann doll in the shape of Bart Simpson. It even had on a full set of clothing.

That’s  when my son said, “Watch this Dad!” and pulled down the doll’s pants and then  put the doll in my arms. My son and daughter both laughed and  ran down the aisle to another part of the store.

I was not sure what was so funny, until I looked down at the doll in my arms and;

Cowabunga! There I was looking down at Bart’s penis and testicles.  To say that the doll was anatomically correct is an understatement. In fact, it was more than anatomically correct. You see, the makers of the doll had made Bart Simpson’s private parts quite a bit larger proportionally than the rest of the doll.

Bart

I was still looking at Bart’s oversize d genitalia when I heard a woman with a very proper British accent say,  “May I help you Sir?”

I looked up to see a matronly woman with grey hair examining at me like I was some American pervert who had wondered into her shop. It turns out that she was the owner of the store, and she had the type of face that looked like it had never smiled.  I should have said something like, “Don’t look at me like that lady. You are the one selling obscene dolls.”

However, at the time I was so embarrassed, that what I actually said to the woman was “Yes. I would like to purchase this doll.” The doll cost me over 55 British Pounds (I told you the shop was overpriced). The woman was so happy to make the sale that she even gave me what she probably thought was a smile. However, on her face it was more like a twitch.

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We left the shop, and my kids thought it was hilarious that I had bought the doll.  There are sill times I wonder why the doll was there at all. Why would a shop filled with pictures of the Royal Family and miniature models of Parliament also have obscene toys?  Was the old woman that owned the store really that sneaky? Had she set an elaborate trap to embarrass unsuspecting tourists into buying something? I realize that sort or thinking is just being paranoid. Or is it?