Category Archives: Political Essays

Michael Flynn’s Crazy Plot to Kidnap Turkish Dissident Fethullah Gulen – A perfect comedy movie

Michael Flynn’s alleged plot to kidnap Turkish dissident leader Fethullah Gulen reads like a cross between a James Bond novel and a Monty Python skit. Michael Flynn supposedly was willing to risk life imprisonment  for Kidnapping, or even a possible death sentence for Treason, all for the potential of collecting a $15 million bounty the Turkish government has offered on Fethullah Gulen.

Michael Flynn was allegedly willing to commit treason for $15 million

Michael Flynn was allegedly willing to commit treason for $15 million

Normally East Coast Stories reviews movies and books, but the plot of this story is so bizarre, we simply could not resist detailing all the flaws in this moronic plan. It is sort of like revealing  all the plot errors in a really badly written spy novel. Of course, Mr. Flynn denies vehemently the charges, so when Hollywood  make a movie about this, it  will have to use the phrase “inspired by true events”, which is Hollywood’s way of saying, “may or may not be true”

Gulen relaxes at home, safe in Pennsylvania

Gulen relaxes at home, safe in Pennsylvania

Allegedly, the conspirators met at the famed 21 Club in New York to discuss the details of the kidnapping. You don’t have to be criminal mastermind to know that perhaps a crowded restaurant is not the best place to openly plan a Federal crime of the highest magnitude.

To succeed, Flynn would have had to kidnap Fethullah Gulen from Gulen’s  home in Saylorsburg Pennsylvania. This is not just some ordinary American Home. Fethullah Gulen’s house is actually a guarded compound  watched 24 hours a day by teams of FBI agents. All traffic in and out is photographed and the license plates cross-checked against a national database.

Jim Carrey, who will play Michael Flynn in our movie "Kidnapping Gulen"

Jim Carrey, who will play Michael Flynn in our movie “Kidnapping Gulen”

Flynn’s plan was to recruit a team of ex-military people, storm the compound  in Pennsylvania guarded by FBI agents and kidnap Gulen. Flynn’s commando team would then have to somehow get to a private airport and get on to a private jet capable of crossing the Atlantic ocean at the very least.

Johnny Depp will play an over the top President Erdowin

The stupidest part of the plot is that it would probably have been a money loser, even if the Turkish government could have been trusted to actually pay the $15 million. Just the cost of the  the commando team, the jet pilots and the jet itself would have been a lot of money. Then, of course, there are the huge bribes needed for  airport officials, police, government agents, air traffic controllers and customs agents.

Turkish news reporter Tijen Karas

Turkish news reporter Tijen Karas

The chance that not a single person involved would leak the plot  before the event would be  virtually zero. How exactly do you recruit a team of ex-military people and ask them to help you commit treason; hoping  that none of them turns you in to the police? American military men and women are known for their loyalty to the rule of law and something called the Constitution. Flynn assumed he could get an entire team to go against everything they believed in, just for some money. Let’s  face it, if money was the main motivating force in their lives, they would not have chosen the military as a career in the first place.

Turkish actress Naz Elmas will play newscaster Tijen Karas in the movie "Kidnapping Guen"

Turkish actress Naz Elmas will play newscaster Tijen Karas in the movie “Kidnapping Guen”

So, as a movie action/spy story, we have to give Michael Flynn’s idea to kidnap Fethullah Gulen a bad review. However, it might work as a comedy. Jim Carrey would be perfect as Michael Flynn. Jim Carrey has the same skinny goofy looks as Michael Flynn, and is perfect at playing characters who are completely oblivious to how stupid their ideas really are.

Johnny Depp will make the comeback of his career by playing a completely “over-the-top” version of Turkish President Erdowan. It may sound crazy, but Erdowan himself must be a little cracked.  Only an insane Turkish  leader would finance such an attack on its friend The United States. Did Erdowan think the U.S. would just “let it go” if the kidnapping was successful?

Erdowan & Gulen waging a battle for Turkey on 2 continents

Erdowan & Gulen waging a battle for Turkey on 2 continents

Of course, a beautiful woman is required to keep the audience’s interest. Here we would cast Turkish actress Naz Elmas to play the newscaster Tijen Karas, who is desperately trying to keep some semblance of professionalism in reporting the events in modern day Turkey.

We are interested in this story because East Coast Stories has a huge readership in Turkey. We are not really sure why.  Perhaps it is because so many of Turkey’s own writers, journalists and even book reviewers have been arrested and jailed for “high treason”. So to all our readers in Turkey –  Remember this. You are not forgotten . We admire the courage you have to read and write and say whatever you want – no matter what the consequences. No doubt in Turkey, our little story making fun of Flynn and Erdowan’s plot to kidnap Gulen would have gotten East Coast Stories shut down and all of us jailed.

In real life, the alleged Flynn plot to kidnap Fethullah Gulen never got off the ground. Perhaps people Flynn spoke to told him how insane the idea was. Of course, in the movie, the kidnapping will go full scale, with explosions car chases, gun fights and beautiful damsels in distress.

The plot will ultimately fail, however, due to one simple fact. Michael Flynn forgot about the fact that the average citizens in rural Pennsylvania are armed to the teeth. Flynn’s group gets past the FBI, only to be defeated by the brave citizens of Saylorsburg Pennsylvanian,  These good citizens simply will not stand for anyone harassing their neighbor Mr. Gulen.

At the end of the movie, the town of Saylorsburg put up a monument to the victory in their town square, with the following poem.

Good Will On Earth And Peace To Men.

Do not try to harm Gulen.

Americans have guns and guns galore. And every day we buy some more

If you send goons to Gulen’s door. American guns will make them sore.

By the way, if any Hollywood produces actually do  make this film, remember that you owe East Coast Stories some big bucks.

Happy New Year to the brave people of Turkey.

 

 

 

 

Trump Orders Coal Power For Puerto Rico

President Trump announced today that the the Federal Government will be providing funds to build a major coal-fueled power plant in Puerto Rico. “This project will be huge!,” said the President. “It will simultaneously solve all the power problems in Puerto Rico, while at the same time fulfilling my campaign pledge to help the coal industry. This is an idea that crooked Hillary would never have thought of.”

President Trump announces coal power plant for Puerto Rico

President Trump announces coal power plant for Puerto Rico

When asked about potential pollution of the coal powered plant, Mr. Trump responded, “There will be No pollution! Zero! That is the most brilliant part of my plan. We are going to build the plant on the East Coast of Puerto Rico. The prevailing winds will  blow the smoke off shore, so zero pollution will happen to Puerto Rico.”

Smoke from the Puerto Rico coal fueled power plant will blow towards Haiti

Smoke from the Puerto Rico coal fueled power plant will blow towards Haiti

When asked about  the smoke that drifts to Haiti and the Dominican Republic, the President joked, “What can I say? My slogan is American First, not Haiti First.” Haitians are currently calling for a large rally to protest the proposed coal plant.

The announcement was made in the Rose Garden ceremony kicking off “clean coal week”, which is to highlight advances made in coal burning technology. President Trump also announced that the Federal government will be suspending all subsidies to Solar Power and eliminating all research for alternative fuels.

White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders in a later news conference stated that “The Puerto Rico Coal -Powered Utility Plant is the first of many projects the Trump Administration has planned to help foreign countries switch to coal power.” Ms. Huckabee Sanders later clarified her remarks saying, “Of course I know that Puerto Rico is not a foreign country. I was speaking of future projects.”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders defends using the phrase "you people" to refer to a black reporter

Sarah Huckabee Sanders defends using the phrase “you people” to refer to a black reporter

President Trump has been growing more defensive at suggestions he has not been doing enough to help Puerto Ricians after the recent hurricanes. In at Tweet at 3am this morning, President Trump stated “I have signed an executive order granting visas for up to 10,000 Puerto Ricians so that they can get temporary status in the United States.”

At 9am this morning, Sarah Huckabee Sanders held a press conference stating that “the President’s 3am tweet was of course just a joke. He absolutely understands that people from Puerto Rico are American citizens  and do not need visas.” In an angry exchnage with a reporter from the New York Times, Ms. Huckabee Sanders shouted. “When are you people going to understand when President Trump is joking!” The phrase “you people” created its own set of problems since the New York Times reporter is African American. Ms. Huckabee Sanders later explained that by “you people” she meant reporters.

Coal Powered prick up truck driven by President Trump

Coal Powered prick up truck driven by President Trump

The highlight of Clean Coal week was the unveiling of a coal-powered Ford Pick-up truck whcih President Trump took for a spin, doing “doughnuts” on the White House lawn to the cheers of all the White House staff, (except for the groundskeepers.)

 

 

 

Freedom Dies in Turkey

The Turkish civilians have shown themselves to be among the bravest people on Earth. Unfortunately, the Turkish Parliament is full f cowards.  Unarmed civilians stood in front of tanks to guard their freedom from a military coup. Now the Turkish Parliament has voted that freedom away by giving President Erdogan almost unlimited dictatorial power.

Turkish civilian blocks tank.

Turkish civilian blocks tank.

President Erdogan has quickly used his new powers to imprison journalists, teachers, judges and government officials.  He is cracking down with a paranoid ruthlessness that would have made Joseph Stalin proud. No wonder Edrogan and Putin are getting along so well lately.

Erdogan and Putin. Is there really any difference between them?

Erdogan and Putin. Is there really any difference between them?

The United States and the European Union have expressed their concern. However, we all know that the U.S. and the E.U. will not actually do anything about it.

It is sad that the spark of freedom in Turkey was extinguished so quickly. It may be generations before it can be re-lit.